The Coexistence of Love, Fear, and Depression


**Trigger Warning**

So here I am pondering on many things as I always do and I ask myself so many questions but there is one that always comes back to me.

What’s the rush?I am scared! In fear everyday that I will never be able to feel uneasy about my task being completed before I die. In fear that I won’t get another chance to start over or handed a new mission to complete.

What if this is my last mission?

I worry about my health everyday. As a kid I would stay put not doing too much but doing just enough so in case something happened I wouldn’t ruin the fun. It was safer to watch everyone else explore and experiment. That was safe!

What if I did what they were doing and died because I overexerted myself?

Living in fear constantly I became the fear and laid there gaining more control each second. It all got out of control! I was only supposed to remain there until these afflictions left my body.

They never left. They are still here.

Each day I wake up feeling everything but letting go pieces of the fear I clung to. Fear kept me safe but I lost so much time because of it.

I tell myself everyday I deserve to live because if I don’t my spirit will die regardless of my body. That’s more painful than the loss of your physical body before your spirit is ready to go.

– Depression, Fear, Love trying to coexist

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Shan Bae

my name is shan bae. i am a 26 year old married mother and artist. i enjoy blogging, writing poetry, making jewelry, and creating art. i created this website to have a place to share my poetry, encourage people to write, and sell my jewelry.

Word of thought...

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