I needed this cleansing.
As much as I’ve accumulated anger in my lifetime I have always found my way back to love. I have given love to those who brought me pain. I use to think there was something wrong with me for letting things go so easily.
I questioned myself all of the time.
I couldn’t understand why I’d allow myself to endure all of what they put me through just to give them something I felt they never deserved?
This past year, I’ve learned I was fighting against my ability to love. I was fighting against who I am to avoid external perceptions. I was fighting against my need to understand; to be empathetic. I went against my divine right because of what society has taught me to be.
It is easier to love and I struggled to hate because that’s just not me. I am who I am and I am done feeling guilty.
I am blessed.
Sometimes I am just sick of everything and I don’t care. Other times, I am just happy regardless of what comes my way that day or the day before. I see things as they are but I don’t dwell on that or let it overwhelm who I am. I let my emoceans flow as they announce their presence.
Don’t get me wrong I’m still learning as I grow and sometimes I fall back into those old patterns. I try to center myself in gratitude to remind myself where I’ve come from and remember where I am headed. I started telling myself it’s okay to change because I am a force that is always in motion. I am always changing and always contradicting myself.
I’m not tight about a damn thing.
After realizing the very thing I was searching for was home all along, I started to feel shifts in relationships with new and old people. I found people who helped me to see more about myself through their experiences. Life has become this path of discovering myself through conduits and mediums of all sorts.
I am forever grateful that this is for me.
This will be another reoccurring theme based on past experiences and the way I view them now. This is for my healing in order to shed these dead layers of myself. I hope sharing my self-talks will in a sense be a release for me while helping someone else.