So here I am pondering on many things as I always do and I ask myself so many questions but there is one that always comes back to me.
What’s the rush?
I am scared! In fear everyday that I will never be able to feel uneasy about my task being completed before I die. In fear that I won’t get another chance to start over or handed a new mission to complete.
What if this is my last mission?
I worry about my health everyday. As a kid I would stay put not doing too much but doing just enough so in case something happened I wouldn’t ruin the fun. It was safer to watch everyone else explore and experiment. That was safe!
What if I did what they were doing and died because I overexerted myself?
Living in fear constantly I became the fear and laid there gaining more control each second. It all got out of control! I was only supposed to remain there until these afflictions left my body.
They never left. They are still here.
Each day I wake up feeling everything but letting go pieces of the fear I clung to. Fear kept me safe but I lost so much time because of it.
I tell myself everyday I deserve to live because if I don’t my spirit will die regardless of my body. That’s more painful than the loss of your physical body before your spirit is ready to go.
– Depression, Fear, Love trying to coexist