I am sorry I didn’t love me enough

But I was broken

Torn in pieces from those who tore from me the things they didn’t likeOne day someone said perfect

I didn’t believe them

I thought in their eyes I could see them laughing

I guess the joke was on me uh

I miss those parts of me

I let them go undone because to me they weren’t capable of being loved

I tried to paint on many faces

The mirror reflecting something so many said they admired and lusted

But not me

For a long time I forgot what my face looked like and she forgot who I was

Disassociated because together that meant I needed to acknowledge misplaced love

I’m sorry I didn’t love me enough

I searched for a place to dump my pain because it hurt too much

Eventually I stopped crying

My eyes forgot how to well up when the emoceans rose like waves in the abyss of my soul

Love was a lost interest

Falling to the depths of the waters

I rose

Ascending away

Seeking nirvana in the pain of others

I think he caught a glimpse one time

It hit his soul and he couldn’t stay so he stumbled to a place to bury his soul

I dug it up

Relentlessly torturing those who suffered like I was

I love my love but sometimes it’s easier to neglect my heart when it is feeling

To abandon what connects me to god feels better in the midst of the dirty work being done

I’m no saint just beautifully broken trying to heal what I thought I lost