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  • Songs By Hand

    Paint the notes on the keys of a piano with the tips of your fingers 

    Forever each stroke will be remembered by song

    Give me a graceful ballad and I will dance 

    lull me to sleep with your aria 

    Tonight I smile on the pads of my toes 

    serenade my soul with verses of your ode 

  • I’m Losing

    You tell me

    Could I win

    Because losing seems like an effortless defeat

    My love

    Our love 

    This love seems to be a challenge I could never achieve

    You tell me

    Is the love you have for me a love that is deserving of me

    It’s just that no matter how hard I try it feels like I am the one losing

    I feel so lost

    But digging in deeper I question if I was ever found

    Did you fall for me or the idea of easy company

    So many questions but never enough answers

    I’m pulling assumptions like cards to calm my own thoughts

    Trying to guide myself to see my way out of the dark

    I can’t see and you stopped bringing me your light

    I’m losing 

  • Love In December Love In December

    There is something for everyone here 

    The love is in the air 

    Can you feel it

    See it 

    Visually appealing to the peering eyes of mine

    I want to know it 

    No I want it to know me 

    Love remembers the fine details of my smallest movements like it records me in my very own stop motion film 

    Just to go back and look at every part of me once again

    Love is to know how to paint me inside out and I am to remain a statue for it to reference 

    My reflection looking something like a flower that has blossomed in the vernal equinox 

    My stamen eager to meet the bee that greets me 

    I give to him my pollen so that we can make honey 

    Honey that’s as sweet as the love we made in March

    We are now in November 

    Something like 9 months but not really

    We admire our two halves used to create an artful masterpiece 

    Filling hearts like cups with overwhelming love that can only be relieved by hugs that don’t stop

    We will call you Paradox 

    Love’s oxymoron

    A star in scorpius constellation 

    It glistens with a light that will reflect for all to see 

    The inspiration love and I created in a universe for you and me

  • Para Love’s Dox

    I feel a million things

    From you

    I give a million things

    To you

    If I could I would give you all of me

    I’ve been given everything

    Every word unspoken lays gently on my heart like rose petals

    You whisper o’love

    And I become the echo of your words vibrating endlessly

    I can feel this thing

    A familiarity in you

    An energy that I’ve known that’s been lost for some time

    Euphoric how I can look in your eyes and find what I’ve always been missing

    I’d bloom for you

    Open like a flower that you’ve found in a bed of a million

    Fearlessly in your eyes

    But at the same time…

    I’d fear your pain ripping my heart to shreds

    It’s already broken in a way

    And how I am feeling has me too high in the sky above the clouds drifting for me to fall and survive

    I would die from falling in love with you

    They say all things come to an end

    But I would hate to lose the beginning to an end of devastation

    I fear that there’s a limit when this has felt limitless

    But here I am without hesitation

    Trying to profess all of this

    Risking the pain for the fall

    Hoping you would catch me in time

  • Photography By: Ian Dooley My Peace In Our War

    My eyes now considered a foreign invasion to my body

    Tears will not help the chaos

    Blankets of sand stretching for miles

    My cheek bones pressed against natures cover

    An abrasive texture but not for wiping away fear

    But I lay here

    Waiting as metal death threats with select targets whisk pass my ears

    Striking comrades

    Muffled voices howling to the moon like wolves in the night

    And I lay here

    The burning of flesh whiffs pass my nose and I mourn

    Nothing but emptiness to grip to

    My body a distant memory

    Somehow, I have misplaced the sensation of life flowing through me

    Metallic iron bubbling in my throat like acid from GERD

    My tongue colored red with my own paint

    My eyes fixated on blue skies floating on white clouds

    Calm in the storm 

    Commotion fades

    And so, I lay here

  • Star Wars’, The Mandalorian: Refreshingly Familiar And Potentially Great

    Disney’s Star Wars series, The Mandalorian, tells a new story from a refreshing but familiar perspective all about a baby who resembles the late Yoda. This story is something that should be appreciated for simply what it is — another story about an exciting and thrilling adventure. 

    From the moment the first scene begins you are thrust into the everyday lives of the people living on a planet that Mando, The Bounty Hunter is visiting. The scenes appear to be familiar but this time we are focused on exploring the lives of the people that are usually in the background. Everything seems to be slowed down but still holds that familiar feel that we all know and love from the Star Wars movies. 

    (VanDerWerff. 2019, p. 8) “What’s more, the atmosphere of The Mandalorian is explicitly spaghetti Western, rather than anything more directly related to Star Wars.” This series seems to be the perfect combination of both Star Wars and Spaghetti Western films, in my opinion. The search for a bounty for a price placed by the highest bidder, bar fights, and dusty roads seems so Western except this is all done using futuristic weapons and spaceships. Not to mention, the way that Favreau decided to hide the physical identities of certain characters who were played by big name actors was genius; keeping the audience focused on the story rather than the infatuation that they may have with the actor themselves. This has been done in old western movies as well, making the connection even stronger to the idea that I mentioned before.

    The bounty that the faceless bounty hunter is looking for is none other than the cute Baby Yoda. Baby Yoda, perfectly captured in every scene to showcase all of his cuteness is the highlight of the series. I don’t believe that the success of the Baby Yoda is solely credited to the technicians and designers but also to the hearts of the viewers. Who wouldn’t fall in love with this tiny, curious, and mysterious alien?

    Fans have put theories up in the air about this new cutie and his origin. There are two theories that are quite interesting: Baby Yoda is indeed young Yoda himself or Baby Yoda is an offspring of Yoda. (Vasquez. 2019, p. 10) “Both theories seem to hold water at the moment, and since Star Wars has always put great emphasis on familial bloodlines and royal lineage, it would be surprising if Baby Yoda turned out simply to be some random orphan caught up in the fallout of the original saga.” Not only would this be a surprise but disappointing as well but would open up the narrative to explore both Yoda and Baby Yoda’s unknown origin.

    Between Baby Yoda’s mysterious identity and the series’ futuristic spaghetti western atmosphere, I would say that The Mandalorian has so much potential to gift viewers with something to look forward to. 

    Vasquez, Z. (2019, December 3). Big deal, he is: how Baby Yoda became 2019’s biggest new character. Big deal, he is: how Baby Yoda became 2019’s biggest new character. Retrieved February 26, 2020, from  https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/dec/03/baby-yoda-the-mandalorian-star-wars

    VanDerWerff, E. (2019, November 12). Disney+’s Star Wars series, The Mandalorian, is a triumph of atmosphere – and little else. Disney+’s Star Wars series, The Mandalorian, is a triumph of atmosphere – and little else. Retrieved February 26, 2020, from https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/11/12/20961484/mandalorian-star-wars-disney-plus-review-pedro-pascal

  • Grateful For Her

    ‪Sometimes I miss those pieces of me that have died and I’ve buried‬
    ‪In those moments I want to dig them up‬
    ‪They no longer resonate with the me of today so I won’t‬
    ‪But I miss the security of their nostalgia‬
    ‪The warmth of their memory makes me happy to have been her‬
    ‪Which makes me grateful for who I am now‬


    Today I have orbited around the sun a full year and I am now one step closer to aligning with my purpose. So much of me has changed and I appreciate the growth. I have learned so much about who I was and who I am becoming.

    One thing that I learned is to let go of the resistance of change. I was so worried about changing my mind or changing in general because it would contradict who I was yesterday and people truly hate that but isn’t that what growth is. I felt conflicted and sometimes I still do but now that I am more mindful of this thought I am sticking it to my wall of thoughts.

    Another thing that I have learned is to trust my intuition. I am finding ways to purposefully listen to the answers I already know without second guessing myself and as I listen it has opened my eyes even more. I struggled a lot with feeling like I was always irrational based on my experiences in certain areas of my life.

    I guess I am saying that I am grateful for my growth and I am grateful to have received the opportunities to grow.


    Have a beautiful day! 🖖🏼

  • Understanding Ignorance

    So many of us have mastered the art of ignorance

    Scared of the unknown

    We clutch our hands over our eyes and hope the monster doesn’t get us

    Understanding

    If you take the time to learn that everything starts from within

    You will feel the knowing of wisdom creep into your darkness with a guiding light

    As long as you are open to acceptance your vulnerability will no longer be frightening

    You will have mastered an enlightening sight


  • Day Two

    I lay awake wanting to validate every emocean that wants to make itself relevant via your presence

    I’m not sure if my perception of your existence is something that is distorted

    I want to believe everything can be alright

    The truth is we’re not


  • Burn To Ashes, Love To Dust

    But you set fire to my heart

    Heard me cry out as you walked away

    Why would you leave me this way

    Tears vaporized into thick air

    No help for me to call

    As I burned, my love fell to ash

    Between my fingertips gray rubbish falls

    My end is what I gave birth to

    The roar of the blaze muffled my mourning

    Just like this flame I was enraged

    A sweet ode to you fucking me

    Fuck you

    And in so many ways I came back to you

    Over and over

    Your arson I desired

    A twinkle in my eye

    Hypnotized by the thought of us being different

    Your flame lit

    Engulfing me in your kind of love

    And I learned I would always fall for you

    Love and flaws

    In one motion my soul caught on fire

    Lying beneath you

    To the ashes I fall


  • His Inquiry

    He asked me…

    “How was I able to share with the world the words that saved my life?”

    I said…

    “If I could conquer my fear of being rejected by the heart I sought after then maybe I can be vulnerable and undress myself for the world to see.”

    You were the hardest part and yet the best part

    The bitterness on my tongue that was sweet at first taste

    I drowned myself in my love for you and instead you walked away

    You filled my mind with all the ways you loved me

    But you were always giving that love away

    You are why I write

    The reason to share with the world my pain

    I want to share with the world that love broke my heart but my words are what healed me


  • True Life Series True Life Series: Golden Circle

    Why am I writing this series?

    I am writing The True Life Series because I believe practicing mindfulness can awaken your true self. By awakening the true self, the fantasy self is exposed, and the illusion of the material world is shattered. The practice of minimalism becomes more than just a trend about having less, but a holistic way to mindfully acquire what will serve you to your highest good in your rich life.

    True Life Series: Golden Circle

    The less space you give to things that do not serve you the more space you have to give to the things that do.

    – Shan Bae

    How will I write this series?

    I am writing the True Life Series in parts, discussing each step along the way. I will provide summarized notes and journal pages that will help you keep track of your progress. This series will be easy to read and interesting to follow as it all comes together. 

    The parts are as followed:

    1. Poor Life
    2. Rich Life
    3. Mindfulness
    4. Fantasy Self
    5. True Self
    6. Inner Child
    7. Thoughts & Emoceans
    8. Materialism
    9. The Purge
    10. A Plan
    11. Then Repeat

    What am I giving?

    I am giving you my experience and what I’ve have learned so far from practicing minimalism. I will provide a step by step guide on how to change your mind about who you are and how to focus on growing your authentic self instead of the illusion you created to reach expectations that people around you have set. This information is coming from experience, intuitive hits, and things that I’ve read.

    I have had at least 2 years to practice these things and experience the results of it myself. I am not a qualified medical professional and I do not recommend this as a cure to all. This series is meant to be used alongside pre-existing therapies or practices.


    In Depth Review

    What is the point of this series?

    The True Life series is about innerstanding what you want your life to truly look like without outside influences controlling every aspect of who you are. You can begin to make changes when you can mindfully assess your life and say this is not the life that I wish to live. It is not the rich life that I can see myself thriving in but a poor life that I am struggling with.

    Poor Life // Rich Life

    A rich life vs a poor life, in this series doesn’t have a direct correlation to money per se but is speaking on your ability to thrive as a multidimensional being. If you can’t cultivate who you are creatively in your own space that is meant to serve you and assist you in becoming better, then are you truly living a rich life? To live this richer life, you must dig deeper to separate your fantasy self from your true self and firmly define who that is.

    Fantasy Self // True Self

    Everyone knows the definition of fantasy but often times your disassociation can put you in a space to feel you have to create this unrealistic version of yourself. You become aloft and untethered from the reality of you. Practicing psychospirituality (psychology & spirituality) is a good way to ground and connect you to your truth, so that you can begin building a solid foundation for a defined sense of self.

    Inner Child

    Now that you have stripped away falsehoods and fantasies, you can begin to parent and nurture your inner child. Your inner child can bear a lot of childhood trauma and may be the reason you disassociate from who you truly are. This is also the part of you that is innocent, bright, creative, explorative, and exciting. This is the part of you that you need to heal and give a chance to shine for once.

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    Thoughts // Emoceans

    As you explore your inner child and tend to your wounds, your thoughts will be a big indicator of why certain occurrences trigger you to feel certain emoceans. As you explore these emoceans, you offer them the space to tell their story without being suppressed, making it easier for you to let go of the emocean that you feel. Assessing your the thoughts can help cultivate your mind and better manage your emoceans as symptoms, so that you can choose whether or not they serve your true self.

    Materialism // Purge

    Now that you know a little more about who you truly are, you can begin to purge everything that does not serve your truth. Purging away all the things that do not serve you in living a richer life is very therapeutic. The more you let go, the more room you will have to grow into who you truly are, so that you can experience your life holistically.

    The Plan // Then Repeat

    Once you know what this feels like you won’t ever want to go back.  You will need to create a plan that will help you to continue healing and living in the rich quality of life that you have built for yourself. 

    Ask yourself why you feel you may need something? Is it in alignment with the way you want to live your life. 

    Always question if something is serving you and remember that things that may serve you now may not serve you in the future, so stay mindful of this in every present moment.

    Learn to accept change.


    There will be times that you may lose your way and forget some of the things that you have learned because of the stress in life. Everyone has it and it’s okay! Just make sure that you use your True Life plan to realign yourself.

    I will begin this series on Jan 1, 2020, to bring in a fresh perspective that will allow you to begin a new year with a better sense of self. No more “new year, new me” facades. Let’s step into a brand new decade with higher vibrations and more manifestations of our aspirations.

    Until next time, do your best!

  • My Golden Circle My Golden Circle: My Life Purpose Statement

    Good day!

    May your morning be filled with gratitude and love.

    I have been disconnected from social media to reconnect with my purpose to gain clarity on what my goals should be moving forward.

    Just know that I am forever grateful for your patience and support.

    A new year is about to begin and I just feel like what I’ve done is all on divine timing. I have ended and started new projects but the most important thing that I have done is deepen my connection to my purpose using a method created by Simon Sinek called The Golden Circle.

    The Golden Circle

    I haven’t told many people but at the end of October I started college to receive my BFA in Creative Writing. In a separate post I am going to talk all about the details if you wish to know more click here (link). I just recently finished a class called Psychology of Play in which we discussed how important it is to have a balance of work and play in our lives. 

    We also talked about how to strengthen both sides so that we can become successful in all areas. The TEDTalk that Simon Sinek presented was inspirational and informative on what it is about certain companies that makes them so successful. I will embed the video below for you to watch in full.


    I used this format to help me to better understand what my life purpose is and why it is what it is. Below I have written my Life Purpose Statement using The Golden Circle format.


    My Life Purpose Statement

    My Golden Circle
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    Why do I self coach?

    I believe in love.

    I believe that through love peace can be found. Your kind of peace. I know through experience, that once found it becomes an undying search for more of this feeling. From new levels of self to healing old wounds while creating healthy boundaries, self care can open that door even wider.

    I believe that you can be your own healer.

    How can I help you find peace?

    I want to listen and inspire.

    I believe that being heard and felt can give a sense of resonance. The feeling of connectedness stimulates the mind to think, “I have a purpose.”

    And you do! As do I! 

    Ask yourself…”What is my life purpose.”

    My life purpose is to inspire all of humanity including you. How? I can do my best to inspire you by learning who you are and what you need in order to reach peace.

    I believe by fulfilling my life purpose I can be of service to helping you find your own. 

    Below are a few modalities I choose to use personally…

    • Self Care
    • Vibrational Healing (Distant Reiki)
    • Psych Therapy
    • Creative Energy Work (Art & Tantra)
    • Meditation

    What am I offering?

    My energy, my gifts, and my time.

    I offer myself to serve you in the best way that I can by inspiring you to become motivated to be the best version of yourself in every moment without regret. All this so that you can set goals and accomplish them and eventually become your version of successful. 

    By acquiring specific skills and healing modalities such as:

    I can offer you a hand in taking the first steps towards your own healing in a multitude of ways. Not to mention the inexpensive tools that I offer as an extra add-on for your benefit such as:

    I offer some of what I do as a free service to anyone. I also offer paid services to those who are interested in deepening their search for inner peace. 

    Remember it’s not what we do but why we do it that’s important.


    You can also find my life purpose statement on my about page.

    I believe that this format is a great way to define your business with clarity to your customers. But what about your personal endeavors or goals? Could this format help you see if something is clearly meant for you?

    Let me know what you think of the video? Do you plan on using this format and how so? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

    Until next time, do your best!

  • My 5 Favorite Metaphysical Books I Read Often

    I am an avid reader! I love opinions, perspective, facts, and all that good knowledge that you can find in a book. I love reading books.

    This day in age we have grown accustomed to finding quick bits of information via a speedy google search. This can be beneficial for those who need the information fast but there is nothing like a book jammed pack with answers. This could be a book that is used to refer to for information often or a book that provokes deep thoughts to gain a better understanding.

    My 5 favorite metaphysical books that I read often are just that, books that I either use to recall information when I am working or books that I use to grasp a deeper spiritual understanding of self. I have listed each book below with a short description about why I use this book often and how you can get this book too.

    *Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links associated with Amazon Affiliate Program. This is means that I will earn a commission for sales that are made through the links.


    1. The Crystal Bible


    Purchase on Amazon

    I use this book often to study crystals and how they can be used help with ailments of the mind, body and spirit. I really get into this when I make new jewelry and want to use the best crystals for particular energetic healing. There are so many crystals and really good information pertaining to each one.

    2. Birthdays, Stars, & Numbers

    I have had this book for some time now and my interest has increased due to my involvement in tarot readings. This is another book that I use for work as well as my own personal use. It has taught me a lot so far and the author has a really good way of explaining this, which is very helpful for a beginner.

    3. The Ultimate Guide To Tarot Card Meanings

    When I decided to take up tarot reading, I was in a metaphysical shop and I saw a deck of cards that were speaking to me. I knew about tarot cards but I didn’t know if that makes sense. I was learning from some of my favorite tarot readers but none of them had a guide. Then I came across Biddy Tarot, she had a guide book and a deck of cards that I purchased to help grow my ability to read.

    This book has so much information! Her guide is not a short read with details about different aspects in life. I use this when I am really stumped and when I am studying.

    4. The Four Agreements

    I am always looking for ways to grow as a person by reading books on spiritual beliefs. The Four Agreement is about the toltec wisdom and how we can begin using their ideas to discontinue limiting ourselves in this infinite world. This book is the basis of my practice as a healer and as a spiritual being having a human experience.

    5. Chakra Balancing

    I purchased this book after my first Reiki Attunement because my teacher recommended and I liked the contents within. It comes with CDs, a workbook, and chakra cards. I enjoy using the cards for work that act as study cards/cheat sheets when I need a quick glance.


    That’s it! Those are all my favorite reads as of late but this may change again soon. At that time I will create a new list of good reads for you to check out.

    Don’t forget to share your favorite books down below. I would love to know what you are reading!!

    Do you best. Peace.

  • NEW Falling Leaves Wallpaper

    I made a wallpaper with falling leaves. You get it fall…ing leaves!?

    I thought it would be really cool to create a wallpaper for my lockscreen that would represent my favorite season of the year…Autumn. I could feel the shift of the season it’s like spirit woke up. I love watching mother nature give her last burst of life right before she experiences death and the snow falls.

    I created the wallpaper but then I got to thinking that I should do all of the seasons because it’s only right I suppose. I am working on Spring, Summer, and Winter. Until then you can enjoy the Falling Leaves Wallpaper for FREE.

    Let me know what you think in the comment section below. Also after you have downloaded your wallpaper just leave a “thank you” comment to just show your support.

    Thank you, lover.


  • 5 Things You Should Know

    I know it has been a minute but I am back and I am better in sense I suppose. So many things have happened since we last spoke and it has been a very challenging journey. I don’t want to get into all the crazy stuff so I thought I would give you important stuff.

    Here are 5 things you should know….

    1. The End of Insaei Healing

    Insaei Healing is an alternative healing business that I own and have been managing for quite some time now.

    All things that begin must come to an end but with each death is a rebirth.

    Shan Bae

    That was such a beautiful line for such a sad time but I suppose it is like that sometimes. I know that you may be reading this like OMG what happened but I just want you to know that all is not lost. While Insaei Healing will be retired as a brand, I will go on to continue my energy work under my name and use my name as the new brand.

    This is my way of combining all of who I am into one website so that my work load will be less and my productivity will become better. Y’all I am exhausted! It is too hard running multiple businesses.

    Some of what I did under Insaei Healing will be included her on this website but there are a few things that will retire along with Insaei Healing. I haven’t finalized those plans but when I do I will let you know soon.


    2. Book Illustrations

    While I was away I was working hard on becoming a better artist and understanding what I wanted to do in the long haul. I was offered a few chances to do some commissioned artwork and this in turn lead me to receive an awesome opportunity to work with a woman who wanted me to illustrate her children’s book.

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    This story is a beautiful message about a tree who discovers love for self through encouragement from her friends. This book is significant to me because my daughter’s name is Willow and I am a true advocate for self love. I am a truly excited and grateful to have this opportunity to bring this story to life.


    3. Inktober is HERE

    Do you follow me on Instagram? NO! Oh no you should because it is Inktober and I have committed myself to participating in all the fun.

    Don’t expect great timing from me because some days I skip but I always make up for it by cramming them together. You can check out the ones I have done so far. While you are double tapping you can follow me as well.

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    4. Phone Papers

    I may not be able to paint your walls for you but I can paint your phone. Yes let me paint them!! I am in the process of creating fun wallpapers for you to use on your phone.

    I will launch these cuties as free wallpapers for 30 days and then after that they will be just $1.11. Yes a small fee that some will have to pay that will help me pay my bills. Check out the first wallpaper I made and share it with your peeps!

    If you are on my mailing list you will get first grabs at a new wallpaper every time I add one to my shop. Have you subscribed yet? No!! Do it now so you won’t miss out.

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    5. PRINTS ARE COMING

    I am working hard day and night to make what seems to be the impossible happen. Yes it is time for art prints! For now I will be outsourcing the printing solution but oh very soon I will be printing everything myself.

    That means lower prices with the same quality prints. I am speaking it into existence and letting life flow. Say it with me…PRINTS ARE COMING!

    If you would like to help with this just go right over to Insaei Healing and check out what is in sale. All of the remaining jewelry is on sale and will be retired so you will have a unique one of a kind choker by yours truly.


    That’s all I have to share with you for now! Do your best and be great!!!

  • Inside, Outside Happy All the Time

    The best thing I have ever done is put the outside on mute and listen to the inside. Meaning the outside being the mirror I live in front of and the inside being the source of the reflection. I took some time to understand how much of the outside I was taking in and what I needed to filter out. I needed to let go of some things because I realized some of those things were invading my body like a virus. I didn’t want that stuff in there possessing me.

    So I sat down and put the outside on mute to focus on my divine diet.

    When I went in I realized the volume and busyness of the outside was so loud I couldn’t hear the answers I was in need of.

    Like for instance when my outside is rainy, gloomy, or sad I learned to turn inside and ask why.

    In order to receive the answer, I needed to understand how I became so sad. That understanding always starts at the beginning of that deep rooted experience that shakes me every so often.

    Being there with myself, the answer presented itself to me and everything made sense. Being sad wasn’t so hard anymore because I now had the opportunity to access the knowledge that granted me the power to change it. Why? Because I knew what I needed to change.

    I know a lot of the time I feel hopelessness because that sadness, my neighbor that never strays too far, has come to visit me for our routine visit. Usually as soon as I feel it I’m like..

    “Ugh…OMG not today!”

    But sadness is persistent because it has an important message or story to share with me. I just need to be open to listen.

    If you can relate to my message today, I just ask that you be in that moment to grieve parts of yourself and let go. Be patient. There’s absolutely no rush. Take some time to allow yourself that deep rest you’ve been needing.

    Breathe.

    The clouds will part and the sun will shine.

    You will then be able to attribute your happiness to your spiritual growth that you guided and the deep rest you allowed yourself to move through.

    Trust me I know. My clouds have parted many times before and I am sure they will continue because I am proud to say that I am forever growing.

    Infinite Love 🖖🏼

  • Nothing and Everything

    Last week I was having the hardest time dealing with the stress in my life. I felt really depressed followed by a very anxious feeling in my chest. The anxiety led me right into a sleep attack and I just had to let go. I’ve always felt like people who are truly depressed really give up and I thought I couldn’t be experiencing the same thing because underneath it all I refused to give up.I know I feel a loss of interest and hopelessness but anger as well. I am angry with myself because I feel like giving up and I don’t have the solution to my problem. In these moments I still feel the urge to push and give myself a chance. No matter what’s happening around me that makes me want to just disappear, I still refuse to give up on myself.

    I want to understand myself more and why things are happening in such a repetitive pattern. So this week when I found myself cutting off my hair and crying I asked myself….

    Why are you sad? Why are you so sad?

    My answer…everything and nothing!

    There are so many things happening all the time and it feels like there is no time to be still or quiet. It drives me crazy! I just wish to have the peace of mind I need to heal and grow as a person.

    But at the same time I can never get to the bottom of why something is disturbing me so much. What is it about the things that take place that trigger me so deeply to the point that I start to shut down internally?

    I don’t know!

    I hope by putting my words into the universe and by being vulnerable some of the answers I am searching for will come to me. I hope to share parts of myself with someone who is suffering and can feel the comfort in my pain knowing they are not alone. I hope that somewhere in between my lines they find a light bulb that is lit for them and it changes their life.

    I just wish you well. I just wish myself well.

    More love and more life.

    Infinite Love 🖖🏼

  • The Awesome Blogger Award Nomination

    I have been blogging for many years now and I never thought that I would be a nominee for a blogger award. This came in total surprise and I am loving it!

    It is crazy but with this new start on my blog journey I have come in contact with so many beautiful people. You all have been affirming my purpose on this journey and I am so grateful for every single person who takes their time to read what I have to say.I want to give a huge thanks to Heidi from Braving Mental Illness for nominating me. Her blog topics are so important to many of us who can relate and to those that seek better understanding of mental health. I appreciate her sharing her brave story about her mental health and guidance for those willing to learn. Please pay her blog a visit and just take some time to read what she has to say.


    The Awesome Blogger Award:

    “This is an award for the absolutely wonderful writers all across the blogging world. They have beautiful blogs, are kind and lovely, and always find a way to add happiness and laughter to the lives of their readers. That is what truly defines an awesome blogger.”

    Created by Miss Maggie @ Dreaming of Guatemala

    The Rules are:

    1. Thank the person who nominated you

    2. Tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the Reader

    3. Answer the questions your nominator gave you

    4. Nominate at least 5 awesome bloggers

    5. Give your nominees 10 new questions to answer

    6. Let your nominees know that they’ve been nominated


    The questions from Heidi and my answers…

    1.What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

    My favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla and cookies n’ creme is my second favorite. I have sensory issues when it comes to crunchy and smooth mixing so other ice creams are out of the question.

    2.How has your blogging changed your life?

    Blogging has changed the way I look at myself. I am not looking for acceptance but it is an amazing feeling when the universe brings people in my direction to let me know that what I am doing is changing someone else. I am empathizing and changing perspectives of people who may have never considered it. I am changing the world and that is changing my life.

    3.In a few words, what would you say to calm someone who is struggling with thoughts of suicide?

    I would tell them that it is okay to be sad and that they should never surrender to the pain all of what they are. You are more than your pain and you have a purpose that involves you sharing your story with the world.

    4.Has it been difficult for you to share your story or challenges to the world?

    Oh my yes! For me, I feel like what do I say? Where do I start? That’s a long story and it is still being written. Haha. I have been living this life all this time and I have yet to put into words this story I have to share with the world. The judgement of others has been a huge thing too but overtime I found I didn’t care about what others thought of me. I have learned that the real stick around and the lessons stick around to teach. One day my story will be clear enough for me to share but for now I practice.

    5.Do you have any regrets?

    I have regrets, yes. I believe we all have regrets.

    6.What is your favorite song and why?

    My favorite song is Belong To You by Sabrina Claudio ft. 6lack. Why? Because omg the words speak to the love I want to have for myself and also with my lover. I feel like your first intimate interaction should be with self and your lover(s) should mirror just that. If they don’t…

    “If you ain’t here for love

    Don’t you dare stay”

    7.If you could vacation anywhere, where would you go?

    I would love to vaca in Hawaii. I was actually trying to go this coming February for my birthday as well as a friend of mines. I am not sure due to financial reasons but with these things I just never know.

    8.What is favorite color?

    My favorite is black. I know it seems like a dark and closed off color but I think of black as a color that attracts.

    9.What is your definition of beauty?

    My definition of beauty is the look of your divine higher self. I believe being your best self in the moment is what makes a person beautiful. Just allowing yourself to feel all that you are and being open to building onto yourself. Understanding and accepting that you are a multidimensional being that is capable of all possibilities. Being your best self in your moment should never compare to another.

    10.What is the happiest moment in your life you can remember

    The happiest moment in my life is when I gave birth to my children.


    My nominees for the Awesome Blogger Award are…

    Ineffablefacade.wordpress.com

    Littlefears.co.uk

    Brittanicolemiller.com

    Malikelahi.wordpress.com

    Crazywriterof6.wordpress.com

    Fairlyliterary.wordpress.com

    I am going to be honest, I don’t stay up to date on these blogs like I would want to and I promise to do better.

    I am so appreciative of the content that these bloggers produce on their blogs. Each of them have an unique voice and message that should be heard. They are creative, inspiring, kind, and genuine bloggers with an important message to give to the readers.


    My questions for the nominees…

    1. What is your purpose in this lifetime?

    2. Define self-love?

    3. What song would you consider as a love song to yourself?

    4. Why do you write?

    5. How do you self-express?

    6. What is your favorite scent?

    7. What is your spirit animal?

    8. What is your favorite fruit?

    9. What is the weirdest dream you ever had?

    10. Where are you from?

    I know my questions are a little different then most but I am highly intellectual Aquarius and I need this to live. Haha. I cannot wait to read your responses! If you can’t respond I understand or if it takes you a little longer than you would like that’s okay too but I just want you to know that you are awesome.

    Infinite Love 🖖🏼

  • Old Vibe, New Times

    His poetry spoke to me before I even knew that he could align words with such power

    When his words sung to me I could finally hear the love in his heart

    So he livedAnd for the first time I realized why our chemistry was of the perfect symmetry

    He had a message that clung to my heart

    We could finally breathe deeply

    Conversing with lines of lyrics

    Tickling our intellect

    We’re connected far beyond human existence; spirits

    Vibes energetically projecting and reflecting the love we have always felt but have never known

  • A Colored White Girl

    When I was younger my differences were brought to my attention by the race of people I was told I belonged to

    Before then I had no sense of skin tones and what the hell melanin was

    I begin to compare

    And before then I had no sense of self awareness

    But here I was stepping into my new light surrounded in darkness

    AloneWith no reason for being treated with such rudeness

    Silenced

    Left alone to purposely be forgotten

    My skin wasn’t chocolate so I wasn’t black

    I was white by default

    Nobody likes a white girl at a black school who seemingly excels in her white privilege

    But I had none of that

    I was far from that

    Even though in my eyes I had hair just like them

    They didn’t see that

    Even though my parents were brown unlike me they didn’t see that

    Even though I listened to the 90s hits

    Jammed to blues at a bar with my black relatives

    They didn’t see that

    I was born black and yet because my skin was as yellow as the sun I couldn’t be black

    They threw stones at me like I had been sentenced to death

    Slowly I lost sight of my right to be here

    To be loved

    To know what it was I did so wrong to deserve such torment

    I was meant to perish

    Without understanding of why I couldn’t be different

    I was white to them and a colored girl to the people they hated

    Me

    A white colored girl

  • 2017 For Me

    2017 has taught me that no matter what I will always do life with my heart.

    I’ve written so much and in the process I’ve learned a lot. The whole time I was growing, flourishing, changing, stepping into my truth.The ink that I write with stained the pages of me in red. A lot of times I felt my heart quiver from the writings on my wall. Tears ran from my eyes and I told myself that it was okay.

    This year I opened my door and freed me so that I can fly in 2018.

  • How I Healed My Broken Heart

    He asked me how am I able to share with the world the words that saved my life

    If I could conquer my fear of being rejected by the heart I sought after

    Then maybe I can be vulnerable and undress myself for the world to seeYou were the hardest part and yet the best part

    The bitterness on my tongue that was sweet at first taste

    I drowned myself in my love for you and instead you walked away

    You filled my mind with all the ways you loved me

    You are why I write

    The reason to share with the world

    I want to share with the world that love broke my heart but my words are what healed me

  • Merry Winter Solstice

    Well it is finally the day all of us have been waiting for and you all are probably opening gifts with your families.I just want you to find gratitude in these moments as we slowly creep into a new year. We have no idea what’s around the corner but we have these moments to share our love in and will remember it for a lifetime.

    I just want to wish you a beautiful Happy Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas, or whatever you are celebrating today.

    I will be sending my gratitude into the universe today. Maybe if we all do this we will have a successful and beautiful new year!!

    Love,

    Shan Bae

  • Music

    I love the way music feels on my skin

    Goosebumps rise when I hear it

    This is what I needed to hear

    This is what I needed to feelYou have the answers in your words

    The feeling in your rhythm

    listen

    I plug in my ear buds

    I turn it up to hear this

    Your song draped over me like a coat

    The warmth on my body

    Tingling sensations

    I am clothed

  • Die. Dying. Dead

    I wrote words for you

    Silent on a journey with an unknown destination

    Descriptions of my love for you slowly dripped with blood as I felt my heart die

    I felt the wind brush pass as my heart fell from my chest

    I wasn’t your catchYou watched as I grasped at my chest

    Poured pain from my eyes

    Your lies tore into me

    Ripped pieces of me that I had left

    I cherished me and I decided to share with you the love stored in me

    Poured a glass that was tall but empty

    Dehydrated everything that nourished me

    Should I call this love

    Or an unselfish act

    Or do I fall to my knees from my own ignorance of not stepping back

    Drained stocks into folded hands of a energetically draining device

    A heart with hollow eyes and no soul in his chest

  • 100 Post and 80 Friends

    Today marks the day I have written to you 100 times.

    Well now 101 if you count this post that I am sending to you now.

    Many years ago, I started blogging and it was quite relieving to put my feelings out there. Although I hardly got a response from anyone, I was excited to be in control of something that was for me.I was use to my life being a mess that I was tired of cleaning up. I had so many unknown health problems and I feared doing normal everyday stuff like most of the stuff you do everyday. I tipped-toed around trying to find ways to make myself feel worthy and deserving of more. I wanted to feel more of myself than just the sick person I was.

    So when I started blogging I chose to just pour out all kind of everything I was feeling into poetry. I told myself this was my safe place and here I can be me no matter how disturbing or sad.

    Here I write for me.

    Now, I write and all of you come along commenting about how my poetry has changed you or inspired you. I know this to be true because I have inspired myself and through me I inspire the world.

    This is my projection to you, my perception of me.

    In all I just want to say…

    Thank you for your support, your time, your love, and your presence. I am forever grateful for you returning to my home and celebrating everything that dwells here.

    If you are new to my blog, please support in whatever way you can. I would love for you to subscribe so you can find me and send me love letters. There is always a donation button in the sidebar (desktop) or in the menu above (mobile) if you feel compelled to give. Sharing is always a great way to support and show love for my art.

    Love you,

    Shan Bae

  • Fault

    I loved you with the full intent to love you the day after forever

    I held you like it was the last time

    I looked in your eyes to feel everything you felt happy or sad

    I loved you enough to want to be one with youI wanted to feel your pain

    I wanted to feel your happiness when you laughed

    I wanted to feel the connection we had when my hand fell inside of your hand

    That electricity that overwhelmed the nerves in my body making my heart race fast

    I wanted you

    But for some reason i was forgotten

    Left out of love

    I had given my heart away to a person I thought would give me theirs

    What felt like an eternity I walked alone blindly

    I peeled back layers of myself to prove to you my loyalty

    I accepted how uncomfortable I would be in the nude of my vulnerability

    I had given to you my last

    So you say love is lost but who’s fault is that

  • Her Imperfections In Standards

    Society’s definition of standard hands slowly grip tighter around her neck

    You’re not small enough

    You’re not big enough

    Your bosoms don’t bust the seams of your shirt bringing the men who wallow in thirst to their kneesYour gluteus maximus is not at its maximum

    Roundness that offenders can grasp

    Take your hands from around her throat

    Let her breathe and get to know who she is

    Place those hands around her waist and understand the oceans in her curves

    Look for the beauty in the waves of her womanhood

    Love the essence of her allure

    Cherish her in the moment of her ambiguity when it comes to choosing lunch with jokes that cracks smiles and cackles that erupt from her belly like an unbearable tickle

    Stop refining her imperfections to fit your definition of perfect

    Find time to admire her need not to fit into this glass box

    Where societies hands chokes her while we all watch

  • Stolen

    I was mad because I wanted you to myself

    I wanted you the way she has you now

    I needed you but you needed her

    I unzipped the pocket in my worn out heart

    You know the one that has the small hole in it

    Just enough to stick the tip of your finger insideYes that one

    I unzipped it and opened it

    And there was your heart inside of mine

    I handed back to you your possessions only to see you smile

    You were my reason but maybe that was wrong for me

    Of me

    You were my reason my words were spoken out loud

    You were my audience

    You listened to the words i had never heard myself say

    You were the first

    I feel as though you raped me for my spoken word virginity

    I mean it was my first time

    The first these words

    My words leaped off the pages of a binded composition notebook

    I read them to you

    Didn’t you hear me

    I never looked at it as you taking from me

    You left me empty

    Stolen the only love I had known of

    We loved each other mentally

    You dreamt of our bodies conversing intellectually

    We were so focused on the mind of the other that we lost time

    You were my best friend

    So I sat back as you walked across the room and placed your valentine heart in someone else’s box

    I watched as she caressed the cheek of the man who had stolen his love from me to give to someone else

    Her

  • I Wish For Someone To Love You

    I love me the way he desires the art of the petals hidden in my garden Flourishing between my hips

    But with a defining sense of who I am

    I see more of his need of me in him than his desire to grow for self

    He’s so eager to be rebornFascinated with my portal

    But refuses to feel the love in life

    Verses the reactive chemicals charging in his mind

    Exploding in his genitals

    Inside of me misguided without light in my darkness

    Feeling my pain

    Reopening old wounds

    Killing me softly with your curiosity

    Taking parts of me to mask you

    Sounds to me you don’t even love you

    But you feel the urge to whisper “I love you”

    Where?

    My heart?

    Because you have evaded and drained my blood

    There’s no more pumping for my life

    I live for you

    He loves me the way I desire for someone else to love him

    Draining him between his hips

    With no plans on giving love but taking his apart

  • I’m All Yours

    You trace the darken outline of my lips like I do when I apply my lip liner

    Your eyes impatiently scurry to see the reaction to your presence

    You search for my permissionAnd all at once we collide into one another

    My tides crash into the sea of euphoric chaos

    I’ve surrendered

    I’m all yours

  • Artsy Nothing

    Lets get infected

    While we inject this love for our art

    Coursing through our veins to penetrate our hearts

    We plug in

    To sing the ad-libs to verses of the catchy tunes our bodies move to

    So melodicThe same rhythm we listen to gets caught up in the pronunciation of each syllable that’s heard in spoken word

    We read from notebooks that have scribbles of poetic words

    Assembled in prose and such

    These words an image in the mind of a hand that paints the view that only an artist can feel to understand

    We tell a story

    We are all connected

    We are all eclectic; esoteric

    Misunderstood and told our perceptions are wrong

    We are love

    In all that we do

    We are inspired by the aspirations of the ones who come before us

    Feeling as though they have the answers But they are still clawing through their pile of life looking for themselves

    The answer

  • A Sacred Marriage

    The ocean looked up to the sun.

    The waves reached as far as they could before falling. They continuously asked for the rays to embrace them. Soon enough the sun would gently lay it’s head on the shoreline.The ocean then asking for a kiss settled with a subtle calmness. The sun, naturally kissed each wave in the sea.

    The ocean and the sun consummated, gifting the life of another day.

  • Left Me In Love

    Sometimes I can’t feel

    Numb in places one day and all the feelings in the world the next

    I grab ahold of myself to remember the way it feelsI imagine you in a time your smell made me fall into gratitude

    Pressed against your chest

    Nose dive in scents

    My body like a waterfall

    Falling into your depths

    I could sleep wherever you have gone

    Following a trail of your scent hoping to wake to your voice and your eyes

    In those eyes, our souls connect and my body reads your secrets

    Telepathic conversing

    You’re such a familiar home

    And in my depression this is where I fold

    You took a bid on my love and left me with none

  • Back Up

    No more will you find yourself in my space

    Pacing with minus signs on your sleeves

    Sending stress signals

    Anxiety creeping

    Love don’t cost a thingBut you keep buying into pain you never purchased to begin with

    Silent tears you cry

    Your voice rings out in an outrage

    You’re too close to me

    back up

    You keep moving close to me

    back up

    Red lights flashing

    BACK UP

    Why do you drive from your trunk

    Cruising in the front seat of my vessel minding my own business

    They always come to disturb the peace I exert

  • When We Write Poetry

    When we write our poetry on the lines of our colored paper

    There are no beginnings or endings

    We draw the love with our blood

    Through our veins we trace the source while racing

    Our heartsThuds of thunder for lightning we make

    Claps of rain fall sliding down our pane

    Stamped with this postage to be delivered to you

    A quiver or two up the spine of our backs

    Electrical

    Magical with the fire we make

    Stirring up the growing pains that we carry

    We surrender to breathe

    Thinking of words to draw on the pages that are buried beneath the bodies of emoceans

    Crashing against the moon

    Fluorescent glows on the silver lining underneath every controversy

    Of the love we instill when we write poetry

  • How I Am Easin’ On Down the Rainbow Bridge!

    Yes that was a reference from “The Wiz” rewritten by my own quirky brain. I am a 90’s baby and so therefore I possess this marvelous power that some of the new babies wasn’t around to obtain.

    Good day little lights!

    It has been a few days since my reiki attunement and I must say that the experience was very relaxing. I met really nice yoga enthusiasts who ran the shop where my Reiki Master Teacher worked. They have the most beautiful yoga studio/yogi shop/art gallery/everything else that it was in Kearney, MO.The session with my teacher was really comfortable, enlightening, and liberating. We talked about the history, discussed how sessions should go, and she even did some energy work on me.

    My attunement wasn’t anything like a magic show or a paranormal movie but I did experience different sensations such as warmth in my torso, that prickly goosebump on my scalp, and visual things. This things were minor but for the most part I experienced just a deep and relaxed meditative state. It was so deep I couldn’t open my eyes for like 5 minutes afterwards.

    If you are considering taking this path to become an energy healer, I suggest you take some time to really think about what you want. Be sure to take some time to connect with your teacher and ask questions as they come to you.

    My Intentions

    My intention is love.

    I have a strong desire to help people. I have so many people come to me for advice and I now know this is something I can no longer ignore. Clearing my chakras, connecting to the light, and learning what I need to become an energy healer is a step a needed to take in order to protect myself from depleting all of my energy.

    I am a true self love advocate. I find this very easy to say and even harder to practice. I am constantly learning to be better, to put ego aside, to learn from the external lessons of the universe, and to just love me no matter what. I want my life to be dedicated to the promise of practicing self love and advocating self love as well. Gettin certified in Reiki Level I is the first step to affirming who I am and growing on my journey.

    Now that I have taken this step to protect myself and the people coming to me I can feel confident in providing services to people without attachment.

    Here are a few services I offer as of late…

    Send A Love Letter

    This is something I started months ago for people who just wanted to reach out and talk to me about whatever has them moved. If you would like to connect me with me just click the link above and I will try to respond within 24-48 hours. These hours can be longer during the holidays.

    Insaei Healing Chakra Chokers

    The chokers that I make are for everyday wear, meditation, or a beautiful reminder to give to self (kind of like a promise ring). Each choker has a meaning corresponding to the color representing the chakra and the gemstone. The natural hemp is a really cool because it is natural, it can be worn in the water, and each time the fibers are in water they become stronger together. If you would like to order your very own choker click the link above to receive free shipping.

    Chakra Oracle Card Reading

    You can receive a triad chakra reading for free with an option to donate funds for your session. If you are interested in getting read click the link above and I will meet you there.

    Talk to you soon!

    Choker of the Day


    Vishuddha Truth Choker

    3 Lapis Lazuli 8mm Beads. Natural Blue Hemp Cord. Ties In The Back. Chakras: Throat, Third Eye. Size and color may vary.

    $10.00

  • CollabPiece | Perception of Greener Grass

    A written collaboration by Rashid M Bey & Shan Bae


    The mental impression of greener grass on the other side is just the perception that you may have at the time

    Nothing is really made to perfection

    That thought is only in your mind

    But it drives us to overmine our essentials

    Until overtime we undermine what we underlined as mentally instrumental

    Perhaps we are greener than the grass on the other side.

    Perhaps our demeanor is crass to cover pride

    That comes before the fall covers what we covet

    Chlorophyll filling our monstrous pupils and overly conscious budget

    Maybe we may cull the colors we see yards away in our own yard today if we be silent and love it.

    Through psychological repression you excessively contemplate on what would suppress your emptiness

    Envious thoughts are poison to a mind that is trying to grasp onto something to feel whole again

    In the midst of your depression you lessen your individuality for a happiness that is uncertain

    You try on their success you admired just to see how it would fit over your depression

    Staring at the grass of another sulking in sadness neglecting your own progression

    Liquid crystals our hearts do prune

    To bejewel the blades beneath our feet

    If only we’d look the way we felt down.

    We’d see.

    Our grief waters our failures to free us from the naivety of barely budding blooms

    Yes, some sides may be greener, but no side shows signs of an Eden like ours

    Our showers may stop mayhem from flowering

    If we choose not to lift the nails we hammered here

    We may swim ‘cross the puddles of our pains

    Pull ourselves to its pier

    To peer inside those pools

    Past the peers we wished to be

    Only at the harbor of our soul’s sea

    May we see what we harbor within

    We have a fire to brighten the green in our grass

    Let them synthesize the light we carry

    Now, look up!

    To the rays that rain upon you

    To the rays that raise you

    And tell me you are nigh the flower you were meant to be

    By letting your petals unfold like God’s plan

    The plan that was meant to be

    So don’t stand on the edge of your fence to stare with envy in your eyes at the blossoming petals of another

    Step down and take from your grass the opportunity to grow

    You will never reap what you sow if you don’t feed your nature

    Your nature’s food resides in your soul

    Let the tears of your depression water the grass blades that reach up for the sun

    Focus on making your grass greener by giving your energy back to your own

  • Love Letter Poem: My Love by Ashley

    My love,

    Nothing raises the hair on my neck like pressing your pages with my pen.

    When you touch me, I moan out and mentally roam out and take a loan out of you.

    And when we climax, I conceive. My nipples raised to receive the sweet fluid of life that keeps us alive after night after night of deceit.

    Nature and nurture. I hate you. It’s torture. You’re all that I need.

    I love you.

    Written By: Ashley Evans; @EdgarAllanAHoe

  • CollabPiece | Episode of Sublime

    This poem is a collaborative piece by E.A Spain from The Gypsy Soull, Eric Campbell from Ineffable Facade, and Shan Bae.


    I think I could talk about love forever
    I could write about love until the words ran over the deckle edge

    Continue to think of new combinations of descriptives to define it
    And still, be lacking the true essence of the feeling I get in my chest

    But when you do that special something for me it makes me feel set apart

    You are the word that rhymes with the pangs in my heart
    Once love goes away
    Oh but when love runs from me

    The pangs become pain

    I claw at my chest as if I would be able to reach inside to resuscitate

    But we all know that love never stays
    In some kind of way it dies down

    Just like all of our destinies

    But it’s worth it in the moment when you bring out the best in me
    I do my best to ignore the ones who dare to question me
    Me and my love.

    Cause how would they know?
    They’re just blind
    But in a different way than mine
    Cause nobody knows your personal episode of sublime
    Like you

    My heart literally smiles at the little quirks you do
    Cause that’s the only way I know you’re being real and true
    So caught up I’m not even worried about 20/20 hindsight view

    Originally posted on The Gypsy Soull

  • 3 Ways Self Love Can Improve Your Day

    If you haven’t caught on by now, I am a self love advocate. From my poetry to my personality on social media to me in actuality, I advocate for self love to the 100th power.

    Why?

    Because I can and it is my divine right to do so. I have come to terms with my job here on this earth and it is to help people regain balance within themselves by starting with self.

    And how do you start with self?

    Well I am glad you ask. That would be the very thing within you that has no conditions and that my friend is love.

    When you combine self and love you open a new door of unexplored territory. For a lot of people this has only been rediscovered recently due to the strong urge to find self again.

    It isn’t that hard to find love in yourself because all you need to do is listen. You are the key to unlocking the door and healing yourself. When you accept that you are love you can give back to self as much as you need to without the feeling of not having enough. Sometimes you may need time to love self more than other times and then there may be other times you forget.

    That’s okay!

    Nothing you do is right or wrong because you are in charge. It is up to you!

    There are things you can do habitually to tell self “I love you” and that can look different depending on what you feel.

    I know sometimes when I am in need of love I meditate, sit quietly, listen to music that speaks to me, write poetry, journal, go outside, or just stay in bed.

    Oh no, there is nothing to feel guilty about either! When your mind, body, and spirit crave these things it is for a very good reason so you should listen because it can be the love you need to heal yourself from the past week or surfacing traumas.

    So I want you to keep note of 3 ways that self love can improve your day.

    #1 Self love relieves stress

    Sitting down to indulge in your favorite hobby can relieve the mind, body, and spirit. This may stop negative mental events, relaxed tense muscles, and help you to connect with self to hear whatever it needs to say.

    #2 Self love creates positive thoughts

    Let’s say you like to wear makeup and that’s one of the things you do when you want to show love to yourself. Creatively expressing yourself this way can make you feel that you are capable of doing something good and boost your self-worth. Not only will you look good but also feel good about how you look and that you made yourself look this good. Creating positive and affirming thoughts of “I am beautiful and I am capable of feeling beautiful”. This can have an enormous positive effect on your day.

    #3 Self love gives you confidence

    Another example…you decide to go out and completely pamper yourself. You feel like you deserve it and you know your body could benefit from this. You almost don’t go because you feel so awful and you are so self-aware that you begin making excuses but somehow you end up at the spa anyways. It takes hours to get your hair, a facial, a massage, a pedi and mani done but you had nothing else to do so it doesn’t matter. You feel really guilty until you look at yourself in the mirror and you are glowing. You can’t help but to smile because your love is radiating and the guilt melts away.

    You decide that you are feeling good tonight and you want to go out with some friends. You go out, feel free, and luck up on a date with someone you have been eyeing for quite some time. This all happened because you decided to get up and put back into yourself.

    This is only an example but the possibilities are endless and the least that can happen is that you feel better than you did before. Honestly, sometimes that’s all we really want and need.

    The universe will reflect what you show it. Let it mirror what you want to see.

    So get up and put a little or a lot of love into yourself today!!

    – Shan Bae

    Insaei Healing Chakra Choker for Self Love

    Root Love Choker

    - 7 rose quartz 8mm beads

    - red hemp cord

    - chakra: root (muladhara)

    - palo santos or sage cleanse

    - reiki energy charged

    - cord thickness and color can vary

    $7.77

  • Give Me Love

    A scorned heart

    Burned every time you see what I believe is beautiful

    And say nothing

    Your eyes fill up with thoughtsBut I could never hear them

    The disconnect puts me at a disadvantage

    I believe this was cut off in good sense

    For our communication to grow in it’s original language

    Love

    Say that you love me when I feel my soul light up

    Cling to the days when I dress up so that I can remember them when I question my beauty

    Be the love I’ve given to you when I feel as though my love has gone

    Say that you love me and forever I will remember your words

  • The Coexistence of Love, Fear, and Depression

    **Trigger Warning**

    So here I am pondering on many things as I always do and I ask myself so many questions but there is one that always comes back to me.

    What’s the rush?

    I am scared! In fear everyday that I will never be able to feel uneasy about my task being completed before I die. In fear that I won’t get another chance to start over or handed a new mission to complete.

    What if this is my last mission?

    I worry about my health everyday. As a kid I would stay put not doing too much but doing just enough so in case something happened I wouldn’t ruin the fun. It was safer to watch everyone else explore and experiment. That was safe!

    What if I did what they were doing and died because I overexerted myself?

    Living in fear constantly I became the fear and laid there gaining more control each second. It all got out of control! I was only supposed to remain there until these afflictions left my body.

    They never left. They are still here.

    Each day I wake up feeling everything but letting go pieces of the fear I clung to. Fear kept me safe but I lost so much time because of it.

    I tell myself everyday I deserve to live because if I don’t my spirit will die regardless of my body. That’s more painful than the loss of your physical body before your spirit is ready to go.

    – Depression, Fear, Love trying to coexist

  • The Things I Lost In the Fire Too

    Where exactly does my heart lie

    Did it wilt with your lies

    This was another thing I lost in the fire

    My desire has been misplaced

    I’ve loved and lost

    I never knew our plane of existence was a battlefield

    I fell head over hills

    Hell to the mountains and to the moon

    Here I am back again at the very place where you told me you loved me

    I felt that piece of me ripped from my chest

    Where was your love for me and why wasn’t I deserving of it

  • Play

    You have an audience now

    You don’t need meTheir hands extend to grasp what they believe is theirs for the taking

    But with each pull my strings are being strung vigorously like an abused guitar

  • Daily Prompt: Mystery

    My mind thrived on the unknown

    Intrigued by only a smile

    My interest peeked

    Electrically pulsating eyes lighting up my night skyThe universe in my head

    Sense 8 you’ve touched me

    But you’re not even here

    Are you naturally exploring this phenomenon or do you know what you’re doing

    I’m just here to learn to experience these waves of chemicals

    This feeling is not addicting but more like a pull

    Magnetically encouraging

    Once connected at the end where we begin we’re inseparable

    I can here the swoosh of the life source inside of me

    You’re a mystery

    via Daily Prompt: Mystery

  • The Things I Lost In the Fire

    There are pieces of me that I call the things I lost in the fire

    Fires I put out that I never startedTorches and pitch forks chasing after the things that I never wanted

    Pieces of me that I had no problems with loving

    But someone out there made it a point to burn down

    Ashes to ashes

    Dust to dust

    Blown away and forgotten

    These pieces of me have disappeared and I stand in the mirror trying to see who I am

    I’ve come to the conclusion of nothing

  • Created by an Unsplash photographer The Stars in Your Eyes

    I see the stars in you

    An infinite space to dance and shine

    A place in which imaginative stories will be born

    Stained love on the depths of the universe that seems to be neverendingI see the stars in your eyes

    Wherever you go, I will follow

    An endless race through time

    Leaps and bounds to and from planets

    Feeling magnets and cosmic winds

    Moondust shining on my eyelids

    Lunar eyeshadow shimmering like a star in the distance

    Shooting stars chasing solar rays of the sun’s light

    We universally sold our soul to this circus

    Living on tightropes with no death to fall to

    So we fall down

    We decided to take a trip into the void of space where love’s whispers were never repeated

    No need to speak of the truth that we feel

    I look at you and see the reflection of the stars in my eyes too

  • Daily Prompt: Identity

    Who am I?

    Oh gosh, you thought this was going to be another poem or maybe this is your first time reading one of my posts.

    Yes, I am a poet and I write a lot of poetry. Love poetry, sad poetry, mental health poetry, angry poetry, conscious poetry, and all kinds of other good stuff. Whatever I am feeling I write it. Some poems make it to my blog others sit on my phone until I decide to share or they just sit there.

    I am a self-published author. I wrote a poetry book called Breathe earlier this year. You can read it here for free here on my blog for a limited time. I am currently working on another book called Philautia which will be published when I stop procrastinating on the illustrations.

    I am a short story author. I write my short stories on my blog called Daydream Stories but I hardly have the time for all the other things I am doing.

    I am a jewelry designer. I have been making and selling jewelry for 4 years now. Among many of the things, I do this is my absolute favorite next to writing poetry. I work with natural products like hemp, gemstones, and bamboo. I hand make chokers for fashion and natural healing.

    You can view and purchase my chokers here. If you want to request a specific color and/or gemstone please email me at shop@shanbae.com.

    I also dabble in graphic design/digital painting.

    You can view more of my graphic designs here and if you are interested in my art posters with some of my designs you can purchase them here.

    I have a few logos that I have done for a few friends which you can view here.

    Besides my artist life, I am a mother of four beautiful and smart children who constantly put me in a space to question existence. I love them but sometimes I wonder if they love me. Haha!

    I am married to my best-friend who sometimes gets on my nerves but he knows how to change diapers so I guess he can stay. October 28 will be our 6th year of marriage but we have been together for 10 years. Yeah, that’s a long time but it flew by like crazy.

    Outside of everyone else and inside of myself, I spend a lot of time writing, reading, and creating. I have associates that I talk to on the daily but nobody is like best-friend. I’m my best friend right but I am always looking to connect with good souls so send me a love letter here. Another thing I can’t do without is music. I love love love love love music but did I mention I love music soooo much!

    I don’t work so send me a donation to my PayPal. No, I am not lazy! Well…it would appear to be that way but I am not. I’m a Narcoleptic and my brain never works properly at bedtime so I am always sleepy which cause other neurological issues. This being an autoimmune disorder makes other problems pop up and slap me with mo issues like Fibromyalgia and Cataplexy. I really try not to be so sleepy but I can’t help it.

    Welp that’s who I am! If you want to learn more you can request it in the comments or you can send me a love letter.

    via Daily Prompt: Identity

  • Daily Prompt: Release

    Now I lay me down to release

    Let go of pain

    The past I can’t change

    Even though in my head it repeatsAnxiety riddles me

    Drowning in tears

    Depressed because I am pressed to feel things that I can’t

    Blaming my own mind for clenching things I wish I could do differently

    I need ways to relax, let go, and breathe

    Release

    via Daily Prompt: Release

  • Daily Prompt: Express

    Exude on a canvas the colors that define your essence

    Keep those with projections from emitting a light that doesn’t convey your message

    Embody your vibrational truthYou are the magic in your words

    Setting in motion sequenced events that are the stepping stones into reality from what you imagined

    Eloquently painting something more than a form but an energetic exertion

    Their in motion to suppress what you are here for

    Remain unchanged and profess the love you came from

    via Daily Prompt: Express

  • The First Time I Saw You

    You are as beautiful as the first day

    That sparkle in your eye marveling in my direction

    Focus

    I couldn’t seem to focus

    Apparently, you were having the same dialogue on the inside

    But that smile

    Hmm that smile was everything

    For a moment there was nothing in that room but you and I

    In our moment, tunneled vision and two souls connecting at the source

    Every time our eyes touched there was a spark

    A universal car being jumped to start

    Energetically unending

    I felt a reminder of your love; warmth

    Your impression burned into me

    Now we can’t be undone

  • Daily Prompt: Risky

    Randomly exposing your lies to sheets of paper via pen

    You have a script

    Lines you read

    Memorized over time for a play you will repeat over again

    It’s no broadway show but I’ve seen the act

    I could never empathize with the emotions

    You had my sympathy at best

    Your performance was nothing more than a rehearsed act of crippling untruths

    In front of you I sit in an audience housed in a theater seats filled but I’m unsure of their presence

    Guest who hold tight to the gripping suspense while I sit unmasked

    You asked that I stay attentive to the story

    False facts

    Locations that are unheard of

    Timeframes that don’t match

    You stumble over lines because you don’t even believe them

    No practice could tear down these webs of fabrication

    Caught in an entangled fib

    Creating problems out of old habits while refusing to stand like a man

    You’re too proud

    Instead you bowed at the risk you took with this facade you got away with

    via Daily Prompt: Risky

  • Unsplash Photographer Daily Prompt: Ascend

    Steepen

    Deepen

    Grow

    Enlarge to increaseSkyrocket and proceed to soar

    Mount an ascension to keep from descending

    Climb an inclined mountain

    Elevate to a retreat on a balloon at an angle

    Go up

    Wings fly dominating the wind

    Heightened hurtles to goals that seem so out of reach

    Strength in your stride with a pace in your step but your speed never slows down

    Ascending your ascension airborne and brave

    via Daily Prompt: Ascend

  • Daily Prompt: Cloaked

    Your cloak provokes the lies that bring on more lies

    Eventually I would think god would strike you or your throat would dieI put empathy into a hat and pull a card because the possibilities are endless and you know that

    To play a guessing game with someone who becomes a secret

    Not letting you meet them because they rather send signals than to communicate the truth to that

    No that’s something I don’t want for myself

    I find that I have grown accustomed to loving myself and I never plan to go back

    You fill your space with colors that don’t match

    Secrets only remain behind lies for so long because eventually your true colors will show

    via Daily Prompt: Cloaked

  • Daily Prompt: Fraud

    Your intended deception to assassinate my character

    Was the hell I’ve always witnessed

    But I said it would never be meYou guided my hands to draw flaws in my skin

    I was in mourning

    The unjustifiable carvings on my back side left excruciating pain

    Every time I would ask could you see the inflictions and the perpetrator

    But you said you could never see

    With an arch in my back I fell to my own desolation

    Alone and isolated

    Until I stood for mercy in my pain

    Searched for my own reflection to read the story I bore on my back

    In hindsight I realized your fraudulence

    via Daily Prompt: Fraud

  • Poetry by Shan Bae Poetry

    These words I write are just like everyone else’s
    But when I write them with my emotions they become a piece of me
    They don’t belong to you like they do me
    Inscribed in each stroke against the paper forming the letters tells the detailed story of my pain
    When you read past the words devouring every feeling from my broken box you too will feel the cuts from the glass as you try to pick up the pieces
    You can’t fix me
    My words are only here to help me understand rationally the irrational feelings
    I’m numb now
    You can empathize with tears
    You can relate to pain
    But still, these are my words
    I hold the pieces of my box in my hands slowly over time finding the beauty in what I had left
    Every so often someone would come and smack my hands
    Shards of love would shatter against my flesh
    Ripping through me
    I am now naked
    Vulnerably undressed

    Featured on The Compelete Color Project

  • Daily Prompt: Exceptional

    You look at me like an exception to an unusual beauty

    Something I don’t see often

    I wish I had your eyes

    I wish I could feel what you do in the moments you make decisions to catch me unexpectedly Hands in places that I find annoying

    You find them exceptional to love and see the masterpiece of what you call my beauty

    I’m not sure if I should fall to gratitude or fly away to safety

    You said typically a love like mine is hard to find but you don’t know how much I focus on loving you because I’ve never known how to love me

    And here you are schooling a spirit in their own home

    So many directions you carry me but I’m never on my feet

    Anxiety ridden scary me

    Too scared to step down

    Too weary to rest on your wings

    But I would love for you to fly with me

    An exceptional frequent flyer laying bare for me to see

    via Daily Prompt: Exceptional

  • Daily Prompt: Tame

    You have the willingness of an innocent child

    You were told never to trust a stranger with candy

    Seductively tempted to taste a flavor you’ve never experiencedEvery being has a tamed beast locked in a cage and to that cage is a key that someone is carrying

    Their eyes have that whip appeal

    To unlock and reveal the dark side that you buried

    via Daily Prompt: Tame

  • Daily Prompt: Believe

    In your deceit you find me in question about which part of you is true

    Tell me something other than lies

    Can you define which emotion you feel at the moment you say you’re telling the truthDoes your stomach flip with anxiety

    The same as mine when the lies are pushed as toxins out of my body from my eyes

    What is there to believe

    Have me see that you are more than the destruction in my head

    Traumatizing inflictions restricting the hold on my neck

    Every time I found you, the real you it feels like my chest was caving in

    Again, I looked in your eyes and believed in the torment

    I couldn’t believe that I saw this evil in you

    You made me recede into depression for expressing what I was told wasn’t true

    All the while you believed that you were saving you

    via Daily Prompt: Believe

  • Daily Prompt: Genius

    You were born this way

    An exceptional intellectual creatively powering the universe with your natural ability

    You define who you are with your essential grace

    You are the fairytale in a world where the real just isn’t enough because the imagination has been replaced

    Erased and scribbled over with laws that try to limit who you really are

    You’re a cosmic star in the matter of space

    Shining bright like the diamond with no shape

    You can’t be defined

    Your true genius is undermined because of the eclectic projections are taken into consideration via their own perceptions

    They could never understand the way you cultivate the hearts of those who deserve so much better

    You are who you are

    A prodigy of indifference towards hate because your love is the flair of your genius

    Via Daily Prompt: Genius

  • Music

    I love the way music feels on my skin

    Goosebumps rise when I hear it

    This is what I needed to hear

    This is what I needed to feel

    You have the answers in your words

    The feeling in your rhythm

    Listen

    I plug in my earbuds

    I turn it up to hear this

    Your song draped over me like a coat

    The warmth on my body

    Tingling sensations

    I am clothed

  • Omitted in A Sea of Words

    Bound to a spine are the leafs that I have chosen to construe. On the cover, the title is embossed with a sandpaper texture that catches between my fingers. The stock bound to the cover was the perfect weight fluttering in my hand with grace as I turned each page.

    Enveloped in the words I found myself painting a picture as if I were there. I was swathed in every emotion that I could feel and I wore them on my sleeves. I’m wandering in my subconscious asking “what ifs” and “why nots” in this place of silence that is filled with my thoughts.

    In the darkness, there are echoes that never stop and intrusive thoughts; both noisy and silent. There are too many windows open for me to see what lies behind them to view. My conscious is clouded and my mind is distracted.

    I look up!

    Darkness surrounds me and in harmony, the thoughts sing a beautiful ballad of silence. The soft whispers of serendipity in the shadows echoing from each corner of my mind.

    For a moment I bask in peace only to be jolted by a sudden thought of “What time is it?”

    As the layers of my room peel back to reveal the darkened rows of bookshelves, I have come to realize that I am alone in the library.

  • 3 Reasons Why You Should Have a Love Song for Yourself

    As I lay here in excitement about sharing this magic with you I see my favorite numbers…11:11. The universe is sending me messages affirming the positivity in the message that will be brought to you.

    Come get all of this love!

    The other day, as I pranced around to my favorite songs on iTunes for the first time I heard the lyrics and I almost cried. I could feel the words move through me and the message was instantaneous and clear…this is my love song.

    Your love song???


    Yes, a song that spoke about my kind of love from me to me; a true valentine. I was living in pure awe and I took the time to bask in all that the moment offered me.

    All I could think about was whether or not anyone else implemented this intentional self-love act into their regime.

    So here are 3 reasons why you should have a love song for yourself…

    One: You are the love of your life!


    You are the very first person you know intimately in your sacred space.

    As I continued on this journey in life I felt like there was no room for all the other relationships I had to keep up with. I didn’t realize that I was begging for the same attention that I gave to everyone else.

    As I continued on this journey in life I felt like there was no room for all the other relationships I had to keep up with. I didn’t realize that I was begging for the same attention that I gave to everyone else.

    Once I started to listen to my needs I could hear clearly what I was asking for and I could then provide it. At the base of all of my pain was me! I realized I wasn’t very kind to myself and I needed to hear myself say “I Love You”.

    What better way is there to celebrate self than with a song that reminds me of the grace of my own love!

    Two : The love you have to offer starts within!


    How are you aware of what love feels like to be given and received if you have never experienced it for yourself?

    I realized that I wasn’t confident in my beliefs about what I wanted from love because I wasn’t connected with self. My external and internal flow was all jacked up but for good reasons. I am learning first hand what I like and dislike so that I can be just that. I now know I needed to be the example for both external and internal love. Reserving 3 or 4 songs gives me a moment for self to set the intent to feel this connected flow of love manifesting distantly in someone else’s heart.

    Three: Music can realign self when becoming imbalanced.


    Music has been known to release a hormone called dopamine in your brain also called the “feel good hormone”.

    Need I say more? Music is the dose of the Dr. Feel Good I need and that is fact.

    Here are the songs I chose for myself:


    Love You by SiR

    Blind Man by Xavier Omär

    Best Part ft. H.E.R by Daniel Caesar

    If you practice this on the daily basis kudos to you for immersing yourself in your love. I would love for you to share your special songs in the comments below.

    If you do not have that special song for you that’s okay because one will come to you very soon. When you do find your songs tag me on twitter and with the 3 songs you chose. I would love to hear from you!

    Here are some articles about music and its effect on the brain:


    What Making Music Does to Your Brain on TED

    8 Surprising Ways Music Affect and Benefits our Brains

  • A Love Letter to Me

    Sometimes I write you love letters for these moments of heartbreak

    You’re in pieces and I should be there, love

    In love, you stand and when you fall you forget how to get back upIt’s so dark when depression has your day clouded

    You are the light that shines; the sun

    Don’t you forget

  • Waiting

    I spent my time adjusting my young restless mind on catering to you

    Each step was two steps back

    I let you abuse my self-esteemI was so broken

    No one was there but him

    Never telling me more than what needed to be said

    I understood the agreement

    I gave to him my indiscretions to distract me from my pain

    Reinvented my chains and bounds from us into something other than what I thought was love

    The passion in the dark opened my eyes and turned me towards what was in the light

    My heart was more than something for you to taunt me with

    You pulled me in and I could feel every emotion I was evading

    Trusting the deception that has my heart second guessing not only love but my reflection

    Watching myself fade away in his darkness

    My psyche collapsing in the temptation of something new

    Walking away with a thousand thoughts of how I will be back

    Calmly accepting the events that transpired and the consequences that are to follow

    Split in two and I let the darkness consume what little of me I had left

    Aware of the thoughts sailing through my mind

    Euphorically erupting into this calming sea of satisfaction

    I no longer felt the pain of waiting for you

  • Hey Love

    Hey Love,

    I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are and how when you magically transform you are now just as beautiful in this new dimension as you were before

    This new version of you celebrates equality in all that you areBaby, you are diverse

    Your transformation is just one of the many gifts you were packaged with when you descended onto this earth

    You are the light and the dark

    The loud and the quiet

    The made up and the natural

    The glow and the depression

    Whatever face you have on today is just as beautiful as yesterday’s

    You’re loved.

  • The Toxic Encounter

    These four walls I have built in my mind have faded and are colorless. I have found myself sequestered in a world that has no boundaries. A decade has gone by and the realization of my life has hit me…

    I am motionless.

    KNOCK  KNOCK

    My thoughts are wailing as a hand strikes the wood on the front door and all at once we stop. Yes me, myself, and my thoughts all stopped and focused on reality. Serenity was my love for the moment but as quick as it appeared it had also perished. Heart-stricken, my heart shatters into pieces crashing infinitely.

    My subconscious starts barking like a dog at my conscious mind and physical body causing anxiety to stir like the “The eye of the storm”.

    Meaning, the physical appearance of what was taking place within me was visually peaceful at first glance, and as the storm progressed you could see the damaging winds prevail in my eyes as my emotions bled through the pores in my skin. All the while the hairs on the nape of my neck became erect.

    My gait could suggest paranoia, the way I shuffled towards the door. my heart galloped endlessly as if it was to reach a destination that does not exist. As I extended the heels of my feet into the air to peer through the Judas hole it felt like my heart impeded from the anxiety of not knowing the unknown.

    -Who is knocking at my door?-

  • I Obsess

    Can you align the words that describe my love for you

    Does it touch you like I feel it

    Because I have yet to describe in words the painting of our colors

    Pulsating energy marching to the beat of our heartsWe flourish in melodramatic scenes

    We are a breeze; free flowing

    Poetically floating

    Unseen

    Dancing along a ribbon in time

    This is the love I feel and yet time hasn’t gone anywhere

    But I feel like we have walked for miles dragging these enlarged hearts
    we hold

    Nostalgic memories that have a lifetime of blushes and smiles

    Our memories are my stories; my poetry and yet I can’t fathom that you understand this itching under my skin; you

    Sometimes I dream of you being impregnated by this ache in my heart

    Your heart, my love life obsession

  • A Girl Can Dream Right?

    I like to picture our phone calls with the songs you chose for me playing in the background as that scene from a cliché high school sweetheart movie.You know, the one where the lover boy stands outside throwing rocks at “her” bedroom window. She comes to the window, shakes her head, blushes, and quietly opens the window with her finger pressed to her lips. He would then hold up the boom box and serenade her with these songs that projected his feelings with a voice.

    She was the one that could soften the bad boy tendencies in him with such nurturing kindness. She had the ability to keep him interested in her graceful allure unlike any other.

    They were such a perfect match.

    In this moment there was so much love that the present, the future, and the past didn’t matter; the world stood still for them.

  • Defiance

    The universe presents you with the science 

    Mother nature’s love potion number 9 

    Our natural chemistry 

    Who we are to each other grows deeply rooted in the heart beating profusely in our hands cupped in one another’s

    I look up due to us suddenly touching and see that universe in your eyes

    We find ourselves compelled to apply pressure to the points that will release sexual endorphins 

    In that split second you would have found me and I found you

    A surge of hormonal reactions and firing brain synapses won’t defy the law of nature 

    We must serve our desire’s oppressed appetite with a feast we won’t forget 

    A smile for every memory that races back to me when your eyes find the depths of my soul in the black hole residing in my irises

  • Coffee Bean

    It was on that Sunday morning we shared our stories on our lips with one another

    Our chins could feel the warmth of the steam ascend until we had no more words to give

    His lips tasted like the coffee in my cup

    He was my coffee bean dream and I was his vanilla sky

    Our existence created an aroma we ourselves could not resist 

    I need not society’s painted imagery of what my romeo should be 

    Because there was nothing greater than this man and his imperfections

    He was perfect for me 

    i rested my head on his shoulder and embraced his arm that cradled me 

    as i sipped our destiny 

  • Destiny

    As real as the day you first existed

    You bear the fruits of the wine we drank

    I captured the twinkle in your eye and I showed you the sameIntellectually conversing in an environment we never belonged to

    But if we were never there we would have never come to the realization that we were meant to be

    So we give a toast to this weekend because tonight has to be destiny

    We sparked a flame we now lounge in while reality burns effervescently

  • 15, the Girl in the Void

    Whenever I think of you I always recall the first time I saw you. I can still feel your eyes frisking my soul, how the electrifying energy zipped through my body stopping my heart and how I forgot to breathe. I use to believe that I ran from you out of fear of knowing the truth but it was quite the opposite. I was to know all of you, everything that made you good but the fear came from everyone’s disdain of the bad that made you who you were.

    You were this foreign impostor invading my body in ways that I had never felt, just by looking at me so I wondered if I fell into you, how good would I feel. I became addicted to your drug and I hadn’t even tasted you yet.

    You began to unfold me, opening me up to feel a new sensation, lust. You knew what you were doing, possessing my body like a virus. The thing is you hadn’t even touched me yet. So I wondered how loud would my heaven cry out for you in your presence because I was sure you would only feel as immaculate as a god.

    I can still feel the softness of each kiss firmly placed onto my lips. I remember the sensation of falling into a million rose petals and every one of them caressing my skin at once. Overwhelming vibrations surging through my body and tingling in the roof of my mouth; I was numb.

    You were my void. The place of nothingness but my everything.

  • Addicted to Her Hydration

    You are so thirsty 

    Drops that are meant to quench you dribble from your lips 

    Every moment missed is like you are inching closer to dehydrationShe’s so cold 

    Sending shivers up your spine 

    You are hypnotized by her lemonade 

    You want to stir her contents and add your sugar because you believe you plus her will be the sweetness of perfection 

    Hands cupped around her body 

    Infatuation has you reminiscing about past sips and every couple of minutes you lean in to hit it

    I mean you have fallen into an addiction

  • Beyond My Eyes

    You visit me in my dreams 

    My eyes shut but I’m wide open 

    Just like intoxicating minds spill inhibitions your soul cries out to me

    Waves of sensual energy paints the colors of you in my dreams

  • Love on the Brain

    When I close my eyes all I can see is your face nestled against my skin 

    All I can hear is our surfaces chasing 

    Chasing our ends so nonexistent

    Breathing that sounds like music 

    The hum of our energy vibrating 

    Entangled in the exchange of love 

    Cupped breast 

    Lips pressed 

    Sighs of feel goods

    Love on the brain

  • Questions

    Poetic suggestions of what I am requesting but I rather you feel what I feel to express it together in greatness than for you to feel the weight in my assertive direction.

    Or is that what drives your mind to insanity to have us falling in and out of nirvana and our earthly bodies.‬

  • Sinking To Elevate

    Sometimes I stay afloat

    Sometimes I let the weight of everything that I am feeling submerge my body into the depths of my waters

    I just let go

    I found solace in all of my acceptance

    I’m in love with me

    Drowning is enough to breathe through this pain

    This isn’t me giving up

    This is living to find a resolution to reach a peaceful outcome in life

  • Bare Soles

    Bare soles planting steps to bear a soul 

    Wondering where I am wandering 

    Lifted, barely scathing the grounded connection

    Loathing in clothing wishing to take them off to feel all of the freedom

    Listening to psithurism

    Breathing in ethers 

    Meditating on the universal source of love

  • Elevate

    Why don’t you relax while I strip the surface of my day from my mind

    Let me open up to you

    Blooming in our space

    Filling our love up gracefully

    Hands dug into nurture where we need healing

    Titillating parts of my brain that you are here to stimulate

    And I respond with favors returned to sender

    So let’s address these dressings and tend to our wounds

    Vibrating to get lifted

    elevate

  • Weary

    I have a thirst on my tongue that whispers in distress

    I disclaim the desire to hold something physical

    I have an infatuation with embracing the love for my own

    I want my spirituality to penetrate my ego

    Mind, body, and spirit align to become one

    I no longer walk amongst the thousands but I prance around with the few who can elevate me higher

    Energetic vibes shining a light to awaken the eyes of the blinded

    I am free

    I refuse to bellow in my depression weary of the ways of the world I am subjected to

    I was born into a system of mental imprisonment built to confine the minds of beings with elevated capabilities

    I broke free from the chains that were mentally enslaving me

    The tips of my toes are no longer leery in which direction they must proceed to carry me

    The soles of my feet are now planted in the earth with each step

    I can see clearly and asIi grow my knowledge builds as a library

    Confidently liberated in all of my certainty

  • Hey Black Girl

    Hey black girl,

    You know you are a strong black woman

    We see you painted in many hues with curls that truly can’t be defined but you tame themYou find the beauty in the elements you once believed were flaws

    Your skin glistens and you stand proudly in what many misunderstand 

    Hey black girl!

    I have a question can you be defined by more than just your skin

    You envelope yourself in a color that doesn’t create the culture and you forget your background is a palette of many colors

    Your rainbow is just apart of the illustration on the cover of your book

    Your story is not a pigment or a wash of races but a journey of self-discovery 

    So don’t stop at your skin

    Internally keep looking for you

  • Hungry

    I feel hunger pangs for your love

    You are my favorite snack at snack time 

    We never made it to breakfast because our bodies wouldn’t dare wake that morningWe had no energy to rise

    For lunch, we ate out 

    Indulging in delicacies from the things we culminated ourselves

    Dinner proceeds for two

    Shadows cast by candlelight 

    A feast devoured by the beasts of the night under the full moonlight

    Only to miss breakfast again

  • My Secret

    Shhh

    You will be my secret

    But I am for everyone to know 

    And as much as you miss the way I smell

    I will carry the scent of many rosesThe petals that I have plucked from their rose hips 

    Pink vulvas I will introduce you to my lingham 

    But you can’t blossom to any other noses 

    Your honey on the tips of my finger reminds me of how much I’ve lingered away

    So I shoot you an “I miss you text”

    I have a fetish of keeping you a secret

    Speaking from the perception of a narcissist

  • You Can Stop

    You can stop hiding your desires you no longer bother me any more

    I cannot feel the pain of losing you if you were not mine to claim in the first place 

    Landing back, in reality, my heart was an innocent bystander; a broken casualty 

    I told myself lies to believe your lies but the truth was all too real to me 

  • By Shan Bae Love and Obedience

    Tender as the first kiss, my heart struggles to keep from falling into pieces 

    I told myself not to go there but the questions rang in my thoughts as if someone was calling me

    You…you were the one that reminded why I questioned everything 

    Why I needed to see for myself who this person must be 

    You made me feel nervous and sure all at once

  • 7.7.17

    I will gift my hands to you so that we can mend your heart
    A new love, free of charge
    A new friend to lean on
    A new heart to feel love
    Second chances bring new romances with boundaries not crossed
    Find your love
    Conclude falling victim to the illusion of a tainted heart
    Cruel intentions
    Bouts of tears
    Scrolling fingers
    Chaffing a heart rebuilt to sustain one too many times

  • 7.2.17

    My soul mourns in my gut

    Bellowing in a grass field

    Watching butterflies through teardrops filling my eyes

    Filling my eyes