Saying Goodbye to my Fantasy Self

Saying Goodbye to Fantasy Her

Here lately I have been doing a lot of deep-thinking and oh man I’ve been all over the place. I’ve just been feeling a way and for the longest I didn’t know how to change it. The root of what I am feeling has reached it’s boiling point and it requires my undivided attention.

The idea of more money has been on my mind and it just seems like that thought is always there. For the most part the thought is no longer welcome and unwanted. I am tired of being told and feeling like I need more money to sustain a lifestyle so that I fit into a normal society.

It’s always “if I make more money I will be happy and secure” but happiness always eludes us in the moment.

Whatever happened to simple living?

Why is the goal more money?

As the years passed, I’ve noticed the expectation of quality increase while the quality of the people have diminished. I have been aware of what has been taking place and it is a feeling that I just cannot shake. When did money replace the core of what makes us happy?

When did it become okay to work so much that you don’t even benefit from what you are working for or towards? You may have a job that you are not passionate about but have to work because you know…bills. If you are one of the lucky few to find a job that you are passionate about, you may hardly enjoy it because of the demand for money.

When did life become full of miserable choices with no happy solution?

I know that some people may make the choice to live above their means and that is on them to say whether that needs to change or not. But I feel as though that for my situation I have no other outlet that will allow me to live an abundant true life without the need to work work work. Living an abundant true life to me means that I am living according to my real self vs my fantasy self.

Fantasy self: An image of self that your ego holds onto but isn’t true to you.

As a collective, people are struggling because of the “fantasy self” crisis. My fantasy self is toxic and she has been a conflicting issue when it comes to my true self. For instance, she collects clothing that I would never wear and starts hobbies that I have no real interest in.

The only way to cleanse myself from this is by telling my fantasy self no and living an abundant true life as my real self. I felt like the best way to begin detaching from her was by getting rid of the clothing I don’t wear and it has been a hard thing to do. I am actually still going through the process of detaching from certain clothing.

It’s really difficult because at times I feel like I won’t have enough of certain things or I will need it later. So I am taking my time with detaching but I am confident that true self will know when to stop. I’ve done the same thing with my children, keeping in mind their dislikes and likes while getting rid of their clothing.

My true self’s attire is comfortable and is not something that would be viewed as trendy. I use to only wear layers of dark clothing but here lately I’ve found that I like to be semi nude in a sense. As I’ve gotten older and gained weight I noticed that wearing a lot of clothing irritates me a lot more.

Majority of my clothes are black or a dark color and I am happy wearing these colors. I like to wear graphic tees that are not fitted because it gives me the freedom to move and all my other tshirts are plain half shirts. My bottoms consist of cotton or soft materials like leggings, pencil skirts, and shorts.

I have many other items that compliment my outfits but that’s pretty much my wardrobe. I don’t go to many fancy events but I do have outfits that I can and will wear on a date or to a wedding. I am not really looking to attract someone that is impressed by my clothing because I know that I don’t really relate to those kind of people. Plus I love the flexibility of the outfits that I have so it’s all good to me.

The next thing that I plan to minimize are shoes that I hardly wear. Although it is not as bad as it use to be it has gotten out of hand again. At this point in my life I have no need for an excessive amount of shoes especially when they don’t serve me comfortably.

After I retired my club card, I got rid of all my heels and I wanted a pair that was kind to my feet (because fibromyalgia). I found some really cute all black booties that represented my true self and not my fantasy self. My fantasy self really likes an exaggerated heel (almost stripper heels) but knows damn well my real feet are broken.

The whole goal is to find my true self and learn the difference between my fantasy self and what’s real for me. I think I will find more happiness in letting my true self shine while not spending money on my expensive ass fantasy self. I know that my true self is an eco-friendly, minimalist that really wants to break free of traditional living but that’s a post for another day.

So tell me about your fantasy self. Is your fantasy self into a lot of different hobbies that you would never care for? Is he/she into fashion that your true self would never wear? Let me know in the comments below.

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Shan Bae

My name is Shan Bae. I am a 25 year old artist and creative writer from Kansas City, MO. I am also the small business owner of Insaei Healing which translates into True Healing. I hand make jewelry using gemstones that have the ability to help aid in the healing of the chakras in the human body. I am also a Reiki Energy Healer and I use this powerful energy source to charge the gemstones in my jewelry. For more information or to purchase a choker please head over to I am open to connect and network with people who are interested in working with me. I would love to collaborate with other poets or bloggers. You are always welcome to send me a message via the “send a love letter” page on my blog. Send inquiries to:

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