a self care talk about releasing a tied burden and what that means to me. enjoy.
trigger warning: anxiety, concepts about death
i am not interested in carrying our burden.
bonds are sacred commitments tethered by a cord between beings and their spirit. interconnecting energies into a web with the potential to grow love and peace or pain and darkness. a space in time creating a single moment expanding consciousness to experience the rediscovering of the unknown within itself.
a thought unravels…how will this play out?
i sabotaged my light with words of self invalidation. sometimes i would repeat your words in my mind so much so they became my own. you never spoke them again but instead found new daggers to throw. i held them between my fingers and continued to cut away at what was left when you were tired. when i was backed into a corner with no escape from the pain i was feeling, i would peel back my scalp just to feel the weight lifted off my shoulders. how could i express this? where could i go to feel myself whole again? i put away bottles washed up on shore searching for a secret message detailing an escape plan. i never found it.
i was lost in the darkness of a bond.
bounded by love. i opened the dam in my heart and watched as colors ripped through the air. illuminated lights racing in my eyes and electrical impulses relaying messages words could never express. hums of numb awareness spread across the body awakening what lies dormant beneath the surface. she is here.
i carry many of our burdens on my back stretched between us. i comb through the debris rummaging for the pieces of me i lost when our tower fell. it was sky high and i remember the day i watched as everything that i was came crashing down. my hands covered in soot and my heart racing as everything i was searching for emerged from the ashes. for the first time, i embraced her and welcomed her in. we created a new bond…a new home where our love comes first.
i desire more than a bond that has the density of a burden and a wildfire burning with no oxygen for me to breath. i want my love to roam free without harm and space to express creatively. a home filled with validation and song of celebration. a bonfire with a warmth that dances to the beat of our drum. when i speak and my tears flow, i wish for empathy and compassion. no longer will i fear me when i see terror in their unwillingness to see me.
how do i find sovereignty?
i claim my sovereignty through by birthrights of will, desire, choice, love, and peace. my freedom has been with me and goes with me wherever i go. i just needed to open my heart and allow my love to flow through me. my love goes deep and expresses itself abundantly; infinitely.
i am releasing my grip on the dense baggage i have been carrying.
– cut the cords. release the burdens
– time to shift timelines
– practice patience
song: bag lady x erykah badu